[WoS Track 8] - They'll Always Love You

[Song Inspiration: F**kin’ Perfect – P!nk]

    Ashlyn huddled in her bed, her knees pulled to her chest, chin rested on top of her folded arms, the hood of her blue gym class hoodie pulled over her head. She wanted to cry; more than she ever in her entire thirteen years, she wanted to bawl her brown eyes out. She couldn’t bring herself to though. The swell of pain in her chest was so overwhelmingly immense that even tears failed her.

    It had been the worst week of her life. She’d put everything she had on the line and it had backfired in the most terrible of ways.

    It had all started on Monday, when she took the biggest gamble of her life. After months of wrestling with ambivalent and tremulous emotions, Ashlyn had confessed to her best friend, Jessica, that her feelings for her had evolved beyond friendship. She hadn’t expected Jessica to reciprocate; Ashlyn had wanted her to know.

    Jessica, of course, didn’t feel the same way. Why would she? They were both girls, after all. Society might be evolving to become a little more accepting of homosexuality, but that didn’t mean that everyone was suddenly open to the idea of being in same-sex relationships. Ashlyn understood this, and she had accepted her friend’s rejection. She hadn’t wanted anything to change between them.

    Unfortunately, she had inadvertently changed everything.

    When Tuesday had come, Jessica had been different. She had been distant from Ashlyn, withdrawn. Ashlyn hadn’t thought much of it. As much as she had wanted things to stay the same between them, she understood too that what she’d done might have affected her best friend. She’d chalked it up to Jessica needing some space and had left her be.

    By Thursday though, things weren’t getting any better. Jessica wouldn’t speak to her. She wouldn’t even look at her. She avoided her in the lunch room and took alternate routes in the halls. Ashlyn had tried to confront her all day, but never got a chance. She tried texting her, and then calling her, after school, but Jessica never answered.

    Then came Friday; just a few hours ago. Ashlyn knew she’d made things a little awkward between them, but that was no excuse for being shunned completely. Fed up, she had determined that she would confront Jessica that day.

    She’d walked into the girl’s locker room to change for gym class, like any other day. Jessica was in there, but she was surrounded by some of the other girls. Ashlyn hadn’t wanted to make a scene in front of everyone. She’d kept quiet and gone to her locker to get changed.

    It was just as she’d pulled up her light blue gym shorts and slipped into her white tank that she’d heard it. A statement so full of taunting and venom.

    “Better not get undressed here, guys,” one of the girls had said. It was Gretchen, the strawberry-blonde cheer captain. “Wouldn’t want to get ogled at.” She had said it loudly, much louder than they’d all been talking a moment before, and Ashlyn knew why. She could sense it, the same way people can sense it when someone is looking at them without looking back.

    They wanted her to hear.

    Despite knowing this, Ashlyn had fallen for their bait. She’d looked up from pulling on the light hoodie that matched her shorts and was met by several stares. All of the girls were looking pointedly at her, Jessica included, and in that moment Ashlyn knew. Jessica had told them.

    Feeling singled out and betrayed, she quickly closed her locker and made for the door. The other girls had watched her as she went, leaning away exaggeratedly when she drew near. Ashlyn had known then that it would be a long class, but she had steeled herself. Though never exceedingly popular, she had never been an outcast before. She wasn’t going to let them get to her though. She’d pulled her long brown hair back into a ponytail and determined to ignore them. She’d deal with Jessica later.

    Class had been excruciating, but Ashlyn had endured. It was what had happened next that had broken her.

    When she’d returned to the locker room, all of the other girls had reacted as if an old man had barged in. Ashlyn had finally been fed up. She’d demanded to know what everyone’s problem was, and they had confirmed just what she’d feared. Jessica had told them about her confession, and they had all been disgusted.

    “I’m not a lesbian, Ashlyn,” Jessica had shouted, her green eyes flashing with outrage.

    “Neither am I,” is what Ashlyn had wanted to shout back. It was true; she’d never been into girls. She’d sat around with the rest of them and stared at guys in magazines or on YouTube, just as enraptured. She’d never been attracted to women, and even now, she wasn’t interested in the half-dressed sea of flesh and lace before her. Jessica had been different though. She was special to Ashlyn; more special than anyone in the world. Or at least, she had been.

    While Ashlyn had floundered for her words, the other girls had continued their verbal assault, making something perfectly clear: she wasn’t welcome around them anymore, and she wasn’t wanted in the locker room. She could go change with the boys, the other perverts, for all they cared.

    Of course there was no way they could prevent her from using the room, but pointing that out had only infuriated them more. They’d closed in on her, driven her literally into a corner. Ashlyn had called out to Jessica for help, but her supposed best friend had just stood back like at statue behind the group, her face an indecisive mixture of fear and regret. Then, as if it were some means of excommunication, the cluster had held her down while Gretchen had drawn a pair of scissors.

    Ashlyn reached under her hood to the back of her head, feeling where her mother had tried to even out her hair after having her ponytail sheared off. Feeling the shortened locks only brought a new wave of agony rushing through the young girl’s heart. She shuddered and curled tighter into herself, but the tears still wouldn’t come.

*          *          *          *          * 

    From the hallway, Don and Clara watched their daughter make herself as small as possible.

    “I can’t believe those girls would do this,” Clara whispered. “How could they be so cruel?”

    Clara had been horrified when her daughter had come home early from school still dressed in her gym clothes and her shorter hair than when she’d left. She’d demanded to know what had happened, but Ashlyn wouldn’t talk. Unsure of what else to do, Clara had sat her down in the kitchen and done her best to even out her brutally hacked hair. She’d hoped the fixing her daughter’s hair would open her up, but as soon as she’d crafted it into a passably cute bob though, Ashlyn had shot from the chair and disappeared into her room.

    Confused and worried, Clara had called her husband home early from work, and then called the Hale Middle School. Ashlyn had left without telling anyone, earning herself detention for skipping class. When the school told her they had no idea what had happened to her daughter, Clara had been furious. She laid into first the receptionist, and then the principal, for letting her daughter be victimized, and promised to be down there first thing in the morning with her husband to have a few more words with them.

    When Don had gotten home, Clara filled him in on what she knew, which wasn’t much. They decided to turn to the only person who they thought knew Ashlyn better than them: Jessica.

    Ashlyn and Jessica had been best friends since kindergarten. They’d grown up together, spending weekends at each other’s houses. Don and Clara knew Jessica well; she was like a second daughter to them. If anyone could shed some light on the situation, it would be her.

    Jessica was still at school, so they instead called her mother. They explained the situation, and asked if she would try to find out from Jessica what happened when she got home.

    They’d spent the next couple of hours feeling helpless as they tried unsuccessfully to get their daughter to open up to them. The relief that flooded them when the phone rang was indescribable, as was the dread that followed it.

    Jessica had told her mother about Ashlyn’s confession, that she had told some of the other girls about it, and that the other girls had picked on Ashlyn for it. Though she hadn’t admitted any guilt or confessed any specifics, her explanation had painted a pretty clear picture of what had happened. Cutting a young girl’s hair off was beyond the bounds of “picking on her,” of course, and Don and Clara made sure to stress that to Jessica’s mother.

    Now they stood outside her door, neither sure how to console her.

    “I thought I was ready for her first rejection,” Don admitted, his voice sounding somewhat defeated. “I never would’ve guessed it could be like this though.”

    “We have to do something, Don,” Clara urged him, her own voice pleading.

    Her husband nodded firmly. “Well, here goes nothing.” He pushed the door a little further open and knocked twice. “Can I come in, Ash?”

    The girl didn’t respond. She didn’t even seem to notice his presence.

    Letting out a worried sigh, he walked into the room with his wife behind him and sat down on the edge of his daughter’s bed.

    Ashlyn felt the bed sink under her father’s weight, but it wasn’t until she felt his arms circle around her that she looked up.

    What Don saw broke his heart. Ashlyn had always been a happy, high spirited girl. He had never seen her look so miserable; so devastated. Deep in his heart, he wondered just how profound an affect this incident would have on her. He wanted to believe that she was strong enough to come back, but then, he’d never been through anything like she had that day. Was coming back even possible?

    Taking one more breath to steady himself, Don broached the subject. “We spoke to Jessica’s mother,” he started. He could feel Ashlyn tense in his arms, a sensation that made his own heart constrict. “So… you like Jessica, huh?”

    There was a long silence. When Ashlyn finally did speak, it was in a voice that was heart-wrenchingly tiny. “Is something wrong with me, daddy?”

    Another painful tug at the man’s heartstrings. Don had always been so proud of his daughter. He adored the girl, and he had always let her know that. To hear that her confidence had been so shaken made him boil with rage, but he had to swallow it down. There’d be time to be angry later.

    “Of course there’s nothing wrong with you,” he adamantly declared. his grip on her tightening. “How could you even think that?”

    Again the girl replied in such a tiny voice. “Because I like another girl.”

    “So what? There’s nothing wrong with liking girls.” Don said the words before he even thought about them. Was that how he really felt? He’d grown up in a time when homosexuality was made to seem wrong, but he’d never had any strong feelings on the subject. He’d never known any gay people – as far as he knew – so it had never had enough of an effect on his life for him to form such an opinion. Now, though, it seemed it would be deeply affecting him.

    “I’m not gay, dad,” Ashlyn stated with the slightest bit of firmness. “I still like boys. I’m not bi or anything either. It’s just… Jessica was different. I care about her so much. She’s my best friend, but that just doesn’t feel right. I like her even more than that. At least, I did.”

    “You don’t anymore?” her father prompted.

    “I don’t know,” the girl groaned, burying her face back in her arms. She spoke from the huddled position, her voice muffled by her body. Don had to lean closer to make out what she was saying.

    “I told her it was okay if she didn’t feel the same way,” she was saying. “I was fine if she wanted to stay just friends; I just couldn’t bare not having her know how I felt. When she got distant from me, I thought maybe she just needed some space. But she kept avoiding me. I was going to confront her today, but then all the other girls got involved. They told me I wasn’t allowed in the locker room anymore. That I was a pervert; that I might as well be a boy. And then they… they…”

    Grief constricted her throat, choking off her words with a dry sob.

    “Shh…” Don cooed to her, rubbing her back soothingly. “You’re not a pervert,” he assured her. “And you’re certainly not a boy. You’re a little girl – my little girl – and you’re in love. You can’t help who you fall in love with.”

    “But why’d it have to be Jessica?” Ashlyn whined. “Why’d it have to be my best friend?”

    “Love is unexplainable,” Don told her. He looked up at his wife, who was standing by over his shoulder. Having never been a young girl in love himself, he hoped maybe she’d be able to offer something more helpful.

    Clara took the cue and moved around to the other side of the bed. Once seated, she slipped her arms smoothly around the girl just as her husband’s slipped away, leaning her head on top of her daughter’s.

    “Ashlyn, sweetie, you can’t let what those girl’s did get to you,” she told her. “You didn’t do anything wrong, and you didn’t deserve what they did to you.”

    “Then why’d they do it?” the girl suddenly shouted, startling the woman back up. She looked up with glassy eyes at first one parent, then the other. Her sadness hadn’t been able to bring the tears to her eyes, but her anger certainly could. “Answer me,” she pleaded, looking between them. “I obviously did something wrong. This wouldn’t have happened if I was normal. It’s because I’m a freak. I’m disgusting, sick, perverted trash!”

    “Don’t you ever say that!” her father suddenly barked.

    For a moment Ashlyn paled, because she thought her father was angry with her. But when her widened eyes landed upon him, she saw something she’d never seen before. There were tears in her father’s eyes, glimmering and ready to fall.

    Drawing in a ragged breath, Don spoke again in a calmer voice. “Don’t you ever say that, do you hear me? There is nothing wrong with you. You are my daughter; my sweet, caring, quirky little girl, and I won’t tolerate anyone talking that way about you – not even you.”

    Reaching out, he drew the girl back into his embrace, holding her close to his chest. “You’re perfect, do you hear me? You are perfect just the way you are. You are my perfect little girl, and you didn’t do anything wrong.”

    Ashlyn felt something drop into her hair and was awe-stricken. Her father had always made it known that he loved her, but never had he been this emotional. Something was welling in her chest again; a bubble of relief and gratitude that burst when her mother leaned back into her.

    “My sweet little girl,” Clara said. “Please, don’t let anyone ever make you feel this way. No matter what you do, no matter who you fall for, you will always be our perfect little girl. We love you just the way you are.”

    Between her parents’ embraces and their words, the bubble burst. A loud, rasping sob escaped the girl’s throat, bringing with it a torrent of tears.

    “Oh mommy, daddy,” she wailed, clinging to her parents with all her might. “I got rejected by the person I love, and I lost my best friend. What am I gonna do?”

    Don and Clara both held her tighter, each of them with tears in their eyes.

    “I know it hurts, baby,” Clara cooed to her. “Let it all out.”

    “Cry as much as you need to,” Don added. “I wish we could take away the pain you’re feeling. All we can do is promise you that we love you. No matter what, we love you just as you are.”

    “And we always will,” Clara told her. “With all our hearts, we love you so much. Our sweet, perfect little girl.”

    “Mommy… daddy…” the girl sobbed to them, tears and snot streaming down her face. “I love you guys too. Th-th-thank you for n-not hating me too…” the last of her words were broken and lost in her sobbing as she buried her face into her father’s chest.

    The three of them stayed that way for a long time, until Ashlyn was done crying. That day, she’d felt like her heart had been ripped from her chest and crushed before her. She’d felt helpless and trapped, dehumanized, like an animal dragged to the slaughter. She’d been hurt so badly that she thought she’d never be able to recover.

    Her parents had changed that. They couldn’t undo what had happened in the locker room. They couldn’t make Jessica return her unrequited love, nor could they mend the rift that had been torn in their friendship. They could do one thing, though; perhaps the most important thing of all. They could accept her as she was, and they could love her regardless of it. They had made her feel that there was nothing wrong with her. They had made her feel normal again. More than normal; that had made her feel…

    Perfect.